About three years ago, I broke up with a woman I was dating, mostly because my life was extremely full, since I had a wife and a long-distance primary a 1000 miles away. I didn't feel it would be fair to not be able to give her as much of my love as I could. It was not an easy breakup, but we ended on friendly terms.
Fast forward to last fall. We started chatting over IM and reconnected. Over the next several months, we found we still had strong feelings for each other. This spring we decided that we wanted to start dating again. We okayed that with our spouses. The weekend I was going to okay it with my other partner, we ended up breaking up.
Our first date since reconnecting was just drinks and appetizers at a local Old Chicago. The second date was dinner and a movie (Hanna) with making out in the theater and the car. She was worried that we wouldn't have the old magic we had the first time around. She went through lung cancer while we were apart, and she was concerned that I'd be repulsed by her scars. We went on our third date this week. I rented a hotel through Priceline ($35). We had dinner and five hours of hotel time. Her worries were unfounded in fact. We still have the old magic.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
An Agent of Satan
When I dated a devout Christian after my divorce, I immediately disclosed that I was Wiccan. Her married brother was in seminary because he couldn't keep his hands off of bar groupies when he played in a bar band. He called me an agent of Satan out to tempt her away from God.
It turned out that her ex-husband, also a devout Christian, believed that it was a women's duty to sexually service her husband at any time, he didn't believe in foreplay, and he had a large penis. She didn't like sex when we met. When I introduced her to the glories of sex, she dove in whole hog.
The brother later recanted to me personally at a family function. He said that no one had treated his sister better than I had, and she seemed happier than he'd seen her in years. I felt that I had done my duty as an Agent of Satan, corrupting her to the pleasures of the flesh.
I hope her next husband appreciates that.
It turned out that her ex-husband, also a devout Christian, believed that it was a women's duty to sexually service her husband at any time, he didn't believe in foreplay, and he had a large penis. She didn't like sex when we met. When I introduced her to the glories of sex, she dove in whole hog.
The brother later recanted to me personally at a family function. He said that no one had treated his sister better than I had, and she seemed happier than he'd seen her in years. I felt that I had done my duty as an Agent of Satan, corrupting her to the pleasures of the flesh.
I hope her next husband appreciates that.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
The Path of Love
Over the weekend ending on May 1st was the Free Spirit Beltane festival on the East Coast. It was also a powerful exercise on the Path of Love.
This festival is pretty unique in both the pagan and BDSM worlds. It is a sacred sexuality Beltane festival with a 25 foot phallic maypole to dance around, a rather BDSM-oriented class schedule, a fully-equipped play space, and fire dancing with excellent drummers. I’ve gone for several years. Here is an accounting of one aspect of my time at this festival, the parts involving Love. I'll have a more general post about the festival later.
After I arrived, my long-distance partner, C, took me aside for a talk. I listened to her heartfelt and honest, but difficult and painful, revelation about what she wanted. I accepted it without drama, but not without emotion. My heart remained open, when it could have easily slammed shut. Walking the path of love is painful sometimes, for you have to feel the pain in order to feel the pleasure and ecstasy. Keeping your heart open keeps the pain from crushing you.
The next day I grieved for what had been lost in the last half a year. I also felt the love I still had for this woman. Surprising myself, I healed remarkably quickly, without vilifying anyone. I realized that a piece of the relationship was gone, but the love remained intact. I could survive if we still loved each other. Aphrodite’s children work through love and loss differently than others. I even hugged her other partner later that day.
She and I performed a Wiccan Beltane ritual for about 25 people. We worked with Aphrodite and Hephaestus. Hephaestus’ pain and mine were an interesting combination. I think it made the invocation stronger. It was very reassuring and gratifying at the same time that the ability of C and I to officiate together was still there.
Knowing that I was going to be alone for the weekend, I did an uncharacteristic thing. I walked up to a woman I’ve known for 20 years, but had lost touch with until last summer. I asked if she wanted to spend the festival with me. She was enthusiastic. Whether my bravery was from having an open heart or from being Aphrodite’s child, I don’t know. I just know that it allowed me to do something I had never done before, and saved my weekend from disaster. This act was also done out of love and not spite, revenge, or any other negative emotion. Love and a desire to not sit in my cabin crying.
The rest of the weekend was taken up with classes, the handfasting of a friend, rampant voyeurism, a little playful pain, chilly delights, a sensual feast, and multiple reassurances from my Goddess. (A previous post has those details.) But through it all, I walked the path of love and I kept my heart open. I know Aphrodite was proud.
This festival is pretty unique in both the pagan and BDSM worlds. It is a sacred sexuality Beltane festival with a 25 foot phallic maypole to dance around, a rather BDSM-oriented class schedule, a fully-equipped play space, and fire dancing with excellent drummers. I’ve gone for several years. Here is an accounting of one aspect of my time at this festival, the parts involving Love. I'll have a more general post about the festival later.
After I arrived, my long-distance partner, C, took me aside for a talk. I listened to her heartfelt and honest, but difficult and painful, revelation about what she wanted. I accepted it without drama, but not without emotion. My heart remained open, when it could have easily slammed shut. Walking the path of love is painful sometimes, for you have to feel the pain in order to feel the pleasure and ecstasy. Keeping your heart open keeps the pain from crushing you.
The next day I grieved for what had been lost in the last half a year. I also felt the love I still had for this woman. Surprising myself, I healed remarkably quickly, without vilifying anyone. I realized that a piece of the relationship was gone, but the love remained intact. I could survive if we still loved each other. Aphrodite’s children work through love and loss differently than others. I even hugged her other partner later that day.
She and I performed a Wiccan Beltane ritual for about 25 people. We worked with Aphrodite and Hephaestus. Hephaestus’ pain and mine were an interesting combination. I think it made the invocation stronger. It was very reassuring and gratifying at the same time that the ability of C and I to officiate together was still there.
Knowing that I was going to be alone for the weekend, I did an uncharacteristic thing. I walked up to a woman I’ve known for 20 years, but had lost touch with until last summer. I asked if she wanted to spend the festival with me. She was enthusiastic. Whether my bravery was from having an open heart or from being Aphrodite’s child, I don’t know. I just know that it allowed me to do something I had never done before, and saved my weekend from disaster. This act was also done out of love and not spite, revenge, or any other negative emotion. Love and a desire to not sit in my cabin crying.
The rest of the weekend was taken up with classes, the handfasting of a friend, rampant voyeurism, a little playful pain, chilly delights, a sensual feast, and multiple reassurances from my Goddess. (A previous post has those details.) But through it all, I walked the path of love and I kept my heart open. I know Aphrodite was proud.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Free Spirit Beltane
This festival is pretty unique in the BDSM and pagan worlds. It is a sacred sexuality Beltane festival with a 25 foot phallic maypole to dance around, a class schedule that combines BDSM and a strong spiritual slant, a fully-equipped play space, some powerful rituals, and dancing around a bonfire with excellent drummers. All this on a large former scout camp with cabins, electricity, a dining hall, and showers. I’ve gone for several years.
Thursday
I drove up from the airport, thinking about many things. I followed mostly-remembered directions from the Interstate. I pumped my fist in the air when I remembered a minor shortcut. I only made one wrong turn. As I hit the dirt road leading to the camp, a feeling of coming home settled over me, bringing tears of joy. I love Ramblewood. It is my home away from home.
Friday
Friday morning began Lochai’s Rope DM class. He’s quite the presenter -- dynamic, informed, and entertaining. In the afternoon, I performed the Bluestar Beltane ritual with C for about 25 people. We worked with Aphrodite and Hephaestus. My invocation of him was strong, and he talked to every person at length. His focus was on pain -- physical, emotional, and spiritual. How pain ties into love. How pain is better than numb. Aphrodite darted in and out of his conversations, like a capricious little sprite. The circle was really good from my perspective. I just can’t remember my vow.
The rest of the afternoon included reconnecting with all my compadres that I haven’t seen for months and a class on cord magic by Lee Harrington. I really love Lee as a friend and a presenter. His material is always interesting and he is an amusing presenter. He makes me laugh every time. The class was more of a set of principles than specific spells. At first I didn’t like the focus, but on further reflection, it’s a really good approach. Then I got a short nap and dinner.
The Exploratorium is a wonderful introduction to various kinds of kinky play. The play space is filled with stations manned by experts where you can get a taste of lots of different things in 90 minutes. I’m no longer a total beginner, so I did not participate, but I did watch and learn. I took notes at the wax play station. Mmmm, wax. I shivered at remembering the awesome feeling of warm wax pouring over my back. I chatted with the presenter at the rope bondage station, discussing preferences, classes we’ve taken, and just sharing our love of rope. I got an electrified kiss from C. I then went off to watch the preparation for the fire dance later.
I went to the dance, but very few people were there. Too many other activities, I guess. I stayed long enough to watch some fine poi-spinning and color a mandala with crayons, entertaining my inner child. I went back to the play space, and watched a vicious scene with Lochai and his bottom. Wow, only once before had I seen anything quite so sadistic. At the end, she had combat bootprint-shaped bruises and a blissful smile on her face. I spent most of the rest of the night around the fire, dancing some, people watching, and chatting. At 530a, I went to bed.
Saturday
I got two hours of sleep, and then got up at 8a because it was my turn to make breakfast with K. In about an hour, I made eleven omelets. I loved being the chef. It felt really good. I’ve been cooking more at home, really getting into it. Breakfast and cleanup lingered until 1030, and then I got a much needed nap. Noon brought Lee and Aidan’s handfasting. What a wonderful ceremony! Lee writes the best ritual. Aidan is just cute as the dickens! They were in matching dress kilts. The reception was great with catered gourmet sandwiches of a dozen different types. I had a curry chicken salad sandwich on walnut-raisin-cinnamon bread, plus the middle of a roast beef and cheddar. The beef was the best rare sliced sandwich Angus beef I’ve ever tasted.
After that I took another nap, but in doing so, I forgot to attend the Ramchild Show. I missed the must-see kinky torture scene of the festival! But I got over it, because I really really really needed the sleep. Two hours the last night and maybe one the night before had taken their toll. I got in time to take a shower and dress nice for the sensual feast. OMG! This was a delicious, sumptuous feast of exotic finger food. The only rule was you couldn’t feed yourself. Two words: Bacon-wrapped Dates! The salty/savory flavor of the bacon, combined with the slightly sweet baked dates made this pretty much the best thing I’ve ever eaten. The atmosphere was super fun, and D wore a nice white dress.
Next was the Fires of Venus ritual that starts the work that is culminated in September at the Fires of Venus festival, a three-night long ritual of love and overcoming the barriers to love. This ritual was built around taking risks and going on adventures. It was fun and I saw lots of smiles. After the main part of the ritual was over, they opened up four activities in the four temples of the ritual space: a kissing booth, a truth or dare booth, a spanking booth, and a lap dance chair.
I had planned on taking a stint at both the kissing and spanking booths. As it turned out, I only manned the spanking booth. C, who was supposed to run the spanking booth, had bruised her hand in two scenes with her sub. She spanked one person and was done. I took over and spanked about five people. I think they enjoyed it. I went to the kissing booth to get a kiss. The person manning it was pretty pathetic. All I got was a quick peck on the lips. I was disappointed. I danced the fire for a good long time, and went to bed at about 230a.
Sunday
I left the next day, driving back to the airport. I was 30 minutes behind when I hit the rental car facility. As I sat in the shuttle, I checked my email and received a notice that my flight was 30 minutes late. So my luck held out.
One of the really nice things about this festival was that I got to spend a lot of time with good friends. I violated my 5-2-1 festival rule (5 hours of sleep, 2 meals and 1 shower a day) in the sleep realm, but for good reasons. I got to cook which I’m finding I really enjoying.
Thursday
I drove up from the airport, thinking about many things. I followed mostly-remembered directions from the Interstate. I pumped my fist in the air when I remembered a minor shortcut. I only made one wrong turn. As I hit the dirt road leading to the camp, a feeling of coming home settled over me, bringing tears of joy. I love Ramblewood. It is my home away from home.
Friday
Friday morning began Lochai’s Rope DM class. He’s quite the presenter -- dynamic, informed, and entertaining. In the afternoon, I performed the Bluestar Beltane ritual with C for about 25 people. We worked with Aphrodite and Hephaestus. My invocation of him was strong, and he talked to every person at length. His focus was on pain -- physical, emotional, and spiritual. How pain ties into love. How pain is better than numb. Aphrodite darted in and out of his conversations, like a capricious little sprite. The circle was really good from my perspective. I just can’t remember my vow.
The rest of the afternoon included reconnecting with all my compadres that I haven’t seen for months and a class on cord magic by Lee Harrington. I really love Lee as a friend and a presenter. His material is always interesting and he is an amusing presenter. He makes me laugh every time. The class was more of a set of principles than specific spells. At first I didn’t like the focus, but on further reflection, it’s a really good approach. Then I got a short nap and dinner.
The Exploratorium is a wonderful introduction to various kinds of kinky play. The play space is filled with stations manned by experts where you can get a taste of lots of different things in 90 minutes. I’m no longer a total beginner, so I did not participate, but I did watch and learn. I took notes at the wax play station. Mmmm, wax. I shivered at remembering the awesome feeling of warm wax pouring over my back. I chatted with the presenter at the rope bondage station, discussing preferences, classes we’ve taken, and just sharing our love of rope. I got an electrified kiss from C. I then went off to watch the preparation for the fire dance later.
I went to the dance, but very few people were there. Too many other activities, I guess. I stayed long enough to watch some fine poi-spinning and color a mandala with crayons, entertaining my inner child. I went back to the play space, and watched a vicious scene with Lochai and his bottom. Wow, only once before had I seen anything quite so sadistic. At the end, she had combat bootprint-shaped bruises and a blissful smile on her face. I spent most of the rest of the night around the fire, dancing some, people watching, and chatting. At 530a, I went to bed.
Saturday
I got two hours of sleep, and then got up at 8a because it was my turn to make breakfast with K. In about an hour, I made eleven omelets. I loved being the chef. It felt really good. I’ve been cooking more at home, really getting into it. Breakfast and cleanup lingered until 1030, and then I got a much needed nap. Noon brought Lee and Aidan’s handfasting. What a wonderful ceremony! Lee writes the best ritual. Aidan is just cute as the dickens! They were in matching dress kilts. The reception was great with catered gourmet sandwiches of a dozen different types. I had a curry chicken salad sandwich on walnut-raisin-cinnamon bread, plus the middle of a roast beef and cheddar. The beef was the best rare sliced sandwich Angus beef I’ve ever tasted.
After that I took another nap, but in doing so, I forgot to attend the Ramchild Show. I missed the must-see kinky torture scene of the festival! But I got over it, because I really really really needed the sleep. Two hours the last night and maybe one the night before had taken their toll. I got in time to take a shower and dress nice for the sensual feast. OMG! This was a delicious, sumptuous feast of exotic finger food. The only rule was you couldn’t feed yourself. Two words: Bacon-wrapped Dates! The salty/savory flavor of the bacon, combined with the slightly sweet baked dates made this pretty much the best thing I’ve ever eaten. The atmosphere was super fun, and D wore a nice white dress.
Next was the Fires of Venus ritual that starts the work that is culminated in September at the Fires of Venus festival, a three-night long ritual of love and overcoming the barriers to love. This ritual was built around taking risks and going on adventures. It was fun and I saw lots of smiles. After the main part of the ritual was over, they opened up four activities in the four temples of the ritual space: a kissing booth, a truth or dare booth, a spanking booth, and a lap dance chair.
I had planned on taking a stint at both the kissing and spanking booths. As it turned out, I only manned the spanking booth. C, who was supposed to run the spanking booth, had bruised her hand in two scenes with her sub. She spanked one person and was done. I took over and spanked about five people. I think they enjoyed it. I went to the kissing booth to get a kiss. The person manning it was pretty pathetic. All I got was a quick peck on the lips. I was disappointed. I danced the fire for a good long time, and went to bed at about 230a.
Sunday
I left the next day, driving back to the airport. I was 30 minutes behind when I hit the rental car facility. As I sat in the shuttle, I checked my email and received a notice that my flight was 30 minutes late. So my luck held out.
One of the really nice things about this festival was that I got to spend a lot of time with good friends. I violated my 5-2-1 festival rule (5 hours of sleep, 2 meals and 1 shower a day) in the sleep realm, but for good reasons. I got to cook which I’m finding I really enjoying.
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